Take a breath, feel your feet. The first step in SoulSurfing is to notice, to become aware. Read through these self-sabotaging behaviors, instead of becoming defensive or holding your breath, feel your emotions, let them run through you and notice. Because if you are able to notice any of these behaviors in yourself you will be able to shift not only your entire relationship but also your relationship to yourself. These behaviors do not only disrupt your relationships, they ultimately disrupt our own integrity.
- Not becoming aware of or managing your triggers
Relationships aren't meant to heal past wounds, that’s our job! Sure, a good partner will help you throughout your healing process but isn't their job alone. Your triggers are YOUR TRIGGERS and your responsibility is to become aware of them and find a way to heal.
- Living out your deepest fears through your partner (paranoia)
Maybe you fear abandonment because your dad left the home when you were young, but you now believe that every man in your life is going to do the same, so you spend your time searching for “evidence” that this belief is true. Or, you’ve been cheated on in the past so now you are convinced your new partner will do the same. When we do this, we are making our fears from the past our partners' problem.
- Expectations
Expectations set people up to fail and you up to suffer.
- Victim mentality
Engaging in the narrative that your partner is always doing something to you. That it’s never your fault. You choose to point the finger instead of taking responsibility for your choices.
- Wearing a mask
You fear being seen or going deep with someone. This mask keeps anyone from getting too close.
- Not knowing your own desires
When you don’t know what you desire, you will attract partners who don’t align with you or you will blame them for not satisfying your needs when in reality you are the one failing to satisfy yourself. Feel for it, and then ask for is as if they are dying to give it to you!
When we engage in any one of these behaviors, we step further away from ourselves.
The truth is, self-love will be a natural byproduct when we stop engaging in behaviors that sabotage our soul and our relationships.
With Love,
Johanna
